Here we are starting a new year off together. You should know that I’m a bit of damaged goods. I’ve got some baggage. And while I wish I could start our time off together giving you all the hope and expectation that you deserve, I’m just not sure that’s possible.
My last year was a tumultuous one. It started off so passionate – like a fire burning out of control. I felt like ‘this is the one’. I had so many things planned – places we were going to go, time we were going to spend together, lots of ‘pie in the sky’plans. And then everything that held so much hope and passion crashed and burned. I thought we were going places together and then 2015 did the unthinkable. And in the spring time too…during the time of year that should be about new life and hope. We were over. The passion was gone. The heartbreak was real. He tried to make it up to me. He brought me lots of nice things – a beautiful summer, a new medal to hang by my bedside. But our time together had to end and my memory of 2015 will forever be scarred.
2016, I started thinking about you before 2015 was actually gone. You have been quite flirtatious for the past month. You started showing me all the good and hope again. You helped me get my training plan for the year hammered out. We looked out and planned some good times together already. You introduced me to friends that are going to be part of our time together, and we’ve already started making plans for that big party in Arizona in October.
I’ve wondered if I should be cautious about jumping into another year with big plans. What if things don’t work out? What if life happens and you hurt me like 2015 did? But I tend to just jump in with both feet. I can’t let one heartbreak keep me from moving forward. I’m not the only person that’s ever had their heart broken and dreams crushed. I refuse to let myself live in the past and not savor the present, or not look forward to the future. I’ll do my best to give you all the time and attention you deserve and to not bring up the past. But you have to understand, that the past is what has made me who I am today, and I think it’s made me a better person – more understanding, less judgmental, and more appreciative of each day. Maybe together we can make a difference.
Here’s to a great year together,
I’ll always remember you – for the good times and the hard times.
I forgive you.