Riding the Storm Out

This last week has been hell.

Maybe I shouldn’t think that every event in my life is intended to teach me something, but it just seems so blatantly obvious.  Maybe it’s my way of dealing with shitty events – finding the reason why it happened, finding the silver lining.

I had happily started my training for my June 50 mile race – just base building really, when I got hit with a nasty cold, but I bounced back, headed back to work, and had started back with some short runs. My husband then took his turn, but there was no 2 day turn around, and no bouncing back. It was more like when you try to bounce a deflated basketball – splat. Honestly, I was a little pissy when he started getting sick. I missed one day from work, was still feeling achy and tired, just laying low and felt like I still had the right to another sick day or two around the house, but when he started running a fever, my sick days were over. Once the virus started wreaking havoc on his body, I realized that my brief illness served a purpose. It gave me a little more – well, a lot more sympathy. Unlike my bout with the bug, Wayne’s turned into a battle.

In 26 years of marriage, I have never seen him so sick.  I have never taken sick days from work because HE was sick. Last week, I was home 3 days from work taking care of him – making sure he took medicine, was drinking water and not passing out. We visited urgent care, the walk in clinic, the emergency room and the doctor’s office.   I got to know the pharmacist at Walgreen’s by name – Scott, if you’re interested – and pretty sure I purchased every thing ever made by Robitussin. He was struggling to breathe and I saw fear in his eyes a few times. I didn’t like seeing him afraid – I’m sure he didn’t either – but it was the first time I’ve ever felt like he was a mortal. Call me over-reactive, melodramatic, ridiculous, what ever – it’s only pneumonia.  Fuck off.  I have never been so scared for my husband.  I felt so helpless and inadequate.  Was I doing enough? Should I have taken him back to the emergency room? Should I have demanded they admit him, put him on oxygen, give him some stronger medicine? I just didn’t know.

Before you start beating me up…yes, I know he is the one who was sick. I know he is the one that felt like shit. And yes, now he is getting better. Slowly but surely. But there was a couple days there where I don’t think either one of us thought he was going to get better.

But here’s what I learned.  I learned…yet again…that life is precious and unpredictable. He instantly became my priority – not work, running, social media or friends, but just taking care of him. It really is important to appreciate every day and live in the moment.  I haven’t had to put my needs and desires aside for someone else in a long time. My kids don’t need me like they did when they were little. My needs were secondary this week – runs were deferred, coffee was left to go cold, oatmeal was left uneaten, bedtimes were changed and showers were skipped.  Staying home with him wasn’t all bad. I binge watched Netflix and caught up on Serial podcast. My kitchen was spotless and all my laundry was done and folded. I exercised in the living room, since I wasn’t comfortable leaving him alone at the house to go for a run. Anytime I have difficulties to endure, I call them “ultra training”. When situations are hard, hurt or just down right difficult, you don’t quit.  You just keep going, making relentless forward progress – one foot in front of the other, one step at time, one day at a time. You find the good – you find the silver lining and ride the storm out.

Here’s to better weeks ahead. I am strong and determined and I will not quit.

Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

 

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One comment

  1. Great to hear that hubby is on the mend. Life’s all about priorities……They change from time to time, but in the end people should be able to do what’s important to them.

    Like

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